I’m heading to Miami on Wednesday and this new Pain & Gain trailer is getting me pumped. Supposedly the movie was based on a series of investigative journalism pieces from a New Times Writer named Pete Collins. The plot features two bodybuilders in Miami who become criminals by getting themselves involved in an extortion ring and a kidnapping plot gone wrong.
First off I’d like to give it up for my fellow UMiami alum Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. And when I say his name, “The Rock” part is said with a mean/hard tone and emphasis. Dwayne Johnson looks like a straight up avatar on HGH in this movie. There’s no way his body fat is higher than 4 %. He’s got a varicose vein that looks like the Nile river running down his back. There’s no way this shit is natural. The closest person I’ve seen to this size is Kimbo Slice, and Kimbo used to lift dumbbells in the street. I’m not kidding, I used to see him when I’d get chopped up at Headliners on Grand Ave.
Mark Wahlberg absolutely kills it — perfect casting for the lead. The funny thing is he’s actually a big dude, but next to “The Rock” he looks like “The Pebble”. Having Miami as a setting is always super G for any movie. There’s no better place to stage a kidnapping than Miami. The cops could give a lick about a kidnapping when they’re dealing with massive drug-rings, murder, and face-gnawing zombies. I remember I used to drive at 100 mph on i-95, literally blowing by cop cars on the highway, dipping in and out of lanes, and they wouldn’t do jack. And nearly 95% of cops in Miami have names that are either “Juan”, “Carlos”, or some type of combination of the two. I lived in Miami for 5 years and the one time I got pulled over was by this cop named Officer Juanlos and it was for having too many people stuffed in my backseat — I even believe there were kids drinking back there. But Juanlos told me to get home immediately so one of the people in my backseat didn’t get hemorrhoids. It’s like he didn’t even care about the open bottles of beer or cloud of Jawanahaze that poured out.
Any how, make sure to see Pain & Gain when it comes out in April…